Damned Read online

  Damned Bec Botefuhr

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  I would firstly like to thank my husband, without him, this book would have never been finished. For his time, love and patience through my writers blocks and my hours of fixing work. He is my rock; he made this real for me.

  I would like to extend thanks to a wonderful friend, Creina Woods. She helped me feel my characters, she taught me to know them as well as I know myself. She helped shape my book and gave me an understanding of how to write.

  I cant forget my right hand woman, Charmaine Mathews. She spent hours and hours reading my novels and gave me nothing but honest opinions on my story. She made this possible.

  Last but certainly not least, my family. My mum especially, for never giving up on me and for believing I could do this, for encouraging me and giving me the strength to keep going when things were down.

  This is for you Craig, my husband, my bad boy.

  DAMNED

  They say time heals all wounds; I personally think time is a more like a bandaid. A nice protective cover for ones wounds; a film that tricks ones minds into thinking we feel better, that things will be ok. What happens though, when the film is removed? Are wounds truly healed or are we just as vulnerable as we were before? If time healed all wounds, then why when past hurts are mentioned; do we fall into a silent depression, explode with rage or become defensive? Then we move onto making a list of excuses as to why it happened or go on and on about how we are so totally over it. A reaction of any sort, means that we are, in fact, not over it. If time healed everything, then why do people still hurt?

  PROLOGUE

  “Jade, you need to wake up now please.”

  I hear my mothers irritated voice and feel her cold hands nudging my cheeks. I roll over and grunt at her; it is too damn cold to get out of bed.

  “Later.” I mutter.

  “Don’t grumble at me, you are a princess, not a pauper. Now get out of your bed.”

  I sit up, glaring at her through bleary eyes. “I am tired of doing these foolish parades.”

  “Don’t say that word, you sound like someone raised in a gutter.”

  I snort.

  “Don’t snort, it is not flattering. Goodness, we raised you better than this.”

  I roll my eyes, and she stands with her arms folded glaring at me. Her lovely eyes narrow in disappointment. Her pert little nose turns up with the arrogance all royalty held. My mother is beautiful for her age. She and I look very much alike; with light brown hair, olive skin and light eyes. The only difference between us; is that my eyes are light blue, and hers are green.

  “Ok, I will get up.” I finally give in, throwing my hands in the air.

  “Dress nicely, I do not wish to see another photo in the paper of you getting around in your bikini.” She says, repulsion changes her expression to a look of pure dissatisfaction.

  “Excuse me mother but I was on palace grounds, people should not be snooping. Before we know it, I will have a photo in the media of me showering; gods forbid the princess showers naked. Raise the alarms.”

  “Enough,” She snaps, horrified “Stop this attitude Jade; you have an impression to make, and you are not doing a fine job at it.”

  “Ok.” I whine, sliding out of bed.

  “Your eyes are dark, why are they dark? You look as though you are on drugs.”

  “Something to do with your wonderful neighbors keeping me up all night, will you tell them to keep it down?”

  She wrinkles her perfect nose. “They are pirates, I refuse to try and argue with them. Last time I made a complaint, they…they threw eggs at me.” The look on her face is priceless; I cough to stifle a laugh. My mother is far too formal for her own good.

  “Why are there pirates running a bar next to a palace? I was under the impression they were to be hung on the spot or, I don’t know, burnt alive.”

  “They have an arrangement with someone special...I suspect the mayor, but I do not accuse anybody, of anything.” She murmurs, with eyes full of uncertainty as she rakes her fingers over her dainty little chin.

  “Somebody real special, it seems.” I grumble.

  I peer out my window. Just over the walls, I can see the large pub next door. Nothing but bush land and trees surround it. It was built around six months ago, situated out of town for all the hooligans and ferals to come and drink without risking trouble. A man named Jax Watts, who is a pirate, runs it. Two of my best friends often went over, returning only to say what an amazing lover he is. I, however, am not allowed to leave the castle walls. I have never been.

  “We just have to stay out of their way.” My mother snaps, jerking me from my thoughts.

  “I am not allowed to leave mother, how do you suppose I will get in their way?”

  “You know why you cannot leave. If people find out about your gift, hell will break loose.”

  “And how will they find out? I have no need or desire of using it. I am a girl mother, not a prisoner. I want to go out.”

  “Your father forbids it.”

  “He would not know what I do, nor would he care.” I say, my voice dropping low.

  “He cares very much.” Her tone is defensive. She is team Steffan, no matter what he does. It is as though she owes him for something.

  You know the dukes daughters always sneak off over there?” Yes, I know it is rude to dob in my best friends but hey, I am trying to make a point.

  “They are not my problem love. So long as you do not go anywhere near that place, I do not care.”

  “It’s just stupid, pirates living next door to royalty. That is the worst, most pathetic attempt at a fairy tale I ever heard.”

  “Life is not a fairy tale Jade, never has been, never will be. You should know that by now.”

  “I bloody well know it alright.” I huff, crossing my arms defensively over my chest.

  “There’s that nasty word again, best clean up on your speech before this morning’s meeting. Your father has had enough trouble lately.”

  I sigh. “Yes mother.”

  It is my life; yes mother, no mother, please mother. I have no life. I am a princess and it certainly is not the white ponies and extravagant parades everyone imagines it to be. I am bored, lonely and desperate for nothing more than to go out and see the world, chains off. I am engaged to a man I do not even like, expected to take over a throne I could not care less about and cannot go out of the house unless only the skin on my face is showing. How I would love to laze about in a bikini, get drunk, cause havoc and do all the things young girls are meant to do.

  Not me though, no, I am royalty. End of story.

  CHAPTER 1

  “Don’t you look wonderful this morning?” My fiancé James murmurs against my hand. I shiver in disgust and turn away with a fake smile. God help me; I never want to marry this man.

  “Thank you.”

  “Why did you turn away from me?” He asks, offended. I glare into his pale blue eyes; he knows exactly why.

  “James let’s not pretend this is something it is not. How is Celeste this morning?” I mutter.

  I know very well that James has been sleeping with one of the gardeners. He is madly in love with her, but would not give up the opportunity to become royalty by refusing me.

  “Mind your mouth girl, you and I may not like this arrangement, but it is how it has to be. Now, please play along and be courteous. I am more than tired of your attitude.”

  “Aye aye.” I snap, glaring at him.

  “You seriously need to grow up, how your parents think you can take over a kingdom is beyond me.”

  “With your help dear. Of course.” I smile sweetly.

  He narrows his eyes and shoots me a glare so severe; I look away. Just in time, here is my father and mother for our morning meeti
ng. My father walks towards us, standing at six foot; he is tall and powerful. He wears nothing but the most expensive suits and designer clothes. He is the essence of Russia, with his golden blonde hair, blue eyes and creamy skin. He is attractive enough, though I have noticed I do not resemble him in any way. Which I never question, many kids do not resemble their fathers, right?

  “Good morning James.” My mother smiles, as James kisses her hand.

  “Grace, Steffan, lovely to see you both. What do we owe this tremendous pleasure?”

  “We would like to discuss the upcoming parade, and its announcements.” My father says in a cool, professional voice, indicating that we should sit.

  I sit next to James at a nearby table in the gardens; the maid promptly serves us tea and scones. Boring. I stare at my father’s expression and immediately become a little worried. He looks serious and sorry for what he is about to say.

  “Jade, you and James have been engaged for some time now. The people are asking when the wedding will be.”

  My chest clenches. “And?”

  “I informed them that, in two month’s time, we will have you both married. After that, I expect you will fall pregnant within the year and produce heirs. All your fertility testing has come back well, so I do not see why we should wait.”

  “What?” I shriek, standing.

  “Jade sit down.” My father orders.

  “I am not even twenty years old. I have not lived. I do not want children.”

  “You do not get a choice; you are royalty, therefore, the only one able to produce children to carry on the name.”

  “NO!”

  “Jade, do not defy me. I am about up to my limits with your attitude and crude manners. You will do as I say, or I will cut you off and you can live with nothing.”

  “Steffan.” My mother gapes at him.

  “Sorry Grace, it is how it has to be. The choice is yours. If you wish to remain in our will, to inherit all our money when we pass and gain your trust fund in two years, which I might add has more than some people earn in a life time, then you will agree to our terms.”

  “You expect me to marry, shag and spit out children with somebody I hardly know?”

  “Watch your mouth,” He roars. “You know James well enough, he is worthy and takes care of you. The choice, lies with you.”

  “NO.”

  “Then you will feel the consequences for your actions.” He growls, in an icy tone.

  “You’re meant to be my father, does that matter to you?” I spit at him, before turning and storming off.

  I am horrified; who in the hell do they think they are? They are treating me like some sort of breeding machine. My feelings have no place in their world. I storm down to the far gardens, midway there, I spot my two best friends sauntering towards me with wicked grins. They are up to something again. Shit.

  “We are going out tonight Jade, you should come.” Casey grins, with a wicked sparkle in her eye.

  “Not interested.” I mutter.

  “What is wrong?”

  I tell them and their faces drop.

  “James is not even loyal, maybe you should dob him in.” Casey says, shaking her red hair about in disgust.

  “What’s the point? They will only find another poor sod to take his place.”

  “Oh Jade, it sounds rough. Come on over next door with us, we are going for the afternoon session. It is so much fun over there, come with us please?” Sandra begs. She is pretty, probably the nicest of the two. She is your typical blonde haired blue-eyed beauty; that most men adore.

  “You start drinking in the afternoon?” I gasp, shocked.

  “Oh it is just so much fun. Meet us in three hours, please come?”

  What the heck, my parents clearly do not care about me, so why in the hell should I care about them?

  “Sure, I will meet you at the gate.”

  Casey and Sandra sneak through the gardener’s gate. He is the only one who holds the key, but it did not take much convincing for him to give them a copy after they flirted stupidly with him. Therefore, they now own a key to come in and out freely, what I would do for that freedom. I hardly even remember what the nearby city looks like; I never get to go. Damn parents and their damn strict rules.

  I spend the rest of the morning hiding. When I meet up with Casey and Sandra in the early afternoon, they dress and primp me. When I look in the mirror, I do not recognize myself. My normally lightly curled dark brown hair; is tack straight. My blue eyes are covered in thick makeup. My olive skin is primped out with god knows what, making me look fake. Casey takes my arm and leads me to the gardener’s gate.

  “I shouldn’t…” I hesitate.

  “Come on Jade, what is there to lose?”

  “Only my family’s honor…” I snap.

  “It’s just one night, what will it hurt?”

  I glance at them and then down at the outfit I have been dressed in; skank could easily describe it. Tiny shorts, tiny shirt and knee-high boots; I fit the part all right. I would probably be offered money and a contract.

  “I will be raped on the spot, those men are pigs.”

  Casey throws her head back and laughs. Her breasts nearly jut out of the dress she is wearing, good lord, how did she get into that thing?

  “They are not. You gotta come and drink with us. No media there.”

  “Fine, only for the afternoon, I am leaving at sundown.” I say firmly.

  “Yippee!” Casey squeals, leaping up and down.

  With a quick glance around, the girls unlock the gate, which is conveniently covered with bushes. I guess the gardener was conned into that too. We step out the other side and already I can hear the booming music. We start walking towards the pub, lit up with neon blue lights. When we walk through the door, I can smell smoke, booze and sex. I shiver.

  “Stop being prudish. Do you not know how to have fun?” Sandra mumbles after seeing the horrified expression on my face.

  “I do.” I protest.

  “Prove it!”

  “Fine, I will.”

  I glance around; there are lots of men and women sitting about chatting, dancing and drinking. I see a group of misfit’s, which I assume are pirates. I walk up to the bar, which is long and crystal clear, drinks slide across it as if it is made of ice. It even looks like ice. I reach out and touch it.

  “It’s not ice.” An amused voice says.

  I look up to see who has spoken and gasp. In front of me stands a man so brilliant, I cannot look away. His eyes take me in first; they are a blazing emerald green and so deep they are mesmerizing. His face is the meaning of masculine; he has a strong square jaw that is topped with a dark shade of stubble. His hair is dark and shabby; it is perhaps a few inches long and gives him that rugged look. His lips are full; his nose straight and perfectly fitting for his face. A gold hoop shimmers in one ear.

  I let my gaze travel down over his magnificent body. He is wearing a dark black singlet; his arms are so rippled, I can see the muscles under his skin move when he does. His left arm holds at least five tattoos, starting from the top of his shoulder and running down the entire length of his arm. I assume they travel underneath his shirt too. God underneath his shirt, a girl could only imagine the goodness that hid behind that singlet.

  “Well, if it isn’t royalty herself. Hello princess, what brings you to my bar?” He says in a voice that is so deep and husky; I want to melt.

  “You’re the infamous Jax?”

  He grins, which only makes my heart flutter.

  “You’ve heard of me?”

  “I have heard you the past six months, every weekend.”

  He winks at me. “I made a good impression then.”

  “If that is what you would like to call it.”

  “Look, it’s the princess.” I hear someone yell, and then everybody is staring at me. I turn and hiss at all of them.

  “If any one of you mentions seeing me tonight, I swear to god I will scream that you all tried to rape
and beat me, what do you think will happen to you then? Unless you like a jail cell, turn around, drink your drinks and pretend you never saw me here.”

  A few people mumble curses at me, but they all turn around. I shrug, turning back to face Jax.

  “Wow, you are kind of scary.” He laughs, flashing me a mouth full of perfect white teeth and an impressive set of dimples.

  “Whatever, are you going to get me a drink?”

  “What’s it going to be, vodka?” He smirks.

  “Whiskey, neat.” I snap, having heard my father order it often.

  He raises an eyebrow. “Know what you’re getting into, pretty girl?”

  “I might be a princess, but I am not a prude.”

  He pours a whiskey and slides it towards me; the liquid burns my throat as I drink it down.

  “So why is the little princess out getting drunk?”

  “How old do you think I am pirate?”

  He raises an eyebrow. “You know what I am?”

  “Yes, I do. Now answer the question.”

  “I think you are twenty odd…”

  “Wow, that kind of hurts. I am nineteen.”

  He lets his eyes linger over me, then nods. “I guess that does look about right. It is always hard to tell when women wear so much make up.”

  “Anybody ever tell you that you are a perve?”

  He grins, pouring me another drink. “Every night.”

  “Anyway, I am nineteen and guess what my parents told me today?”

  He shrugs.

  “I am going to get married in two months and am expected to be pregnant by the end of the year. Pregnant. Married. To a man I despise. How would you feel to be tangled up in that at nineteen?”

  “Shit. That does suck.”

  “That’s a tremendous understatement.”

  “So you decided to rebel?”

  “Why not, I will not get to soon.”

  “Nice plan.”

  I huff. “It’s not much, but it is all I got.”

  Casey walks over then, sliding herself over the bar to grab Jax’s shirt. I blink as the back of her red dress rides up to show the entire bar that she is, well, not wearing any panties.

  “I am free tonight, take me again?”

  “Not tonight mate, I am taken.”