Forsaken Read online

  “I love you though.”

  He rolls his eyes and shoves me into the cab, then gives the driver the hotel name. When we arrive back, he lifts me out and carries me up to the room. I don’t know how he does it; I know I must be a dead weight right now.

  “What the hell happened?”

  I hear Nate’s voice, and I shuffle out of Ryder’s arms. Nate takes one look at me, and his face scrunches up.

  “Don’t you ask what’s wrong you…asssshole,” I slur, pointing a wobbly finger at him.

  “Wow, she is drunk.”

  “Fuck you Nate, I hate you, I hate you…”

  His face falls, “You don’t mean that.”

  “Of course she doesn’t,” Ryder snaps, “She’s pissed.”

  Ryder doesn’t wait for Nate to answer; he just scoops me back up and kicks the door to our room open. When he manages to shut it behind him, he walks over and deposits me onto the bed. I giggle and roll, landing with a thump on the floor.

  “Fuck.”

  Ryder leans down and wraps his hands around my shoulders, shaking me a little, “Enough, get into bed.”

  “I want a shower, oh, let’s go use the spa!” I cry, clapping.

  “Let’s not; bed.”

  I pout and he gives me a grin, flicking my bottom lip, “Don’t pout at me, we will play tomorrow.”

  “Bully.”

  He strips me and tucks me into bed, sitting beside me and stroking my hair. “It’s all going to be ok baby, I got you, I’ve always got you.”

  CHAPTER 2RYDER

  I hear her groan from the bedroom and I feel a grin spread across my face. Yep, that is going to hurt, so it should too, will teach her for drowning half a bottle of tequila.

  “Morning sunshine,” I yell out.

  I hear her grumble again, and curse, before slamming the bathroom door. Hung-over women, they truly are a pleasure. When she comes out half an hour later, my grin widens. Even hung over she is beautiful, like a tiny pixie compared to me. I love her honey colored hair and the way it tumbles down her back. Her features are tiny, and damned beautiful. I can smell her lavender shampoo mixed with her perfume.

  “Hey beautiful,” I grin up at her.

  “Don’t you hey beautiful me,” she pouts, plonking down onto my lap. She fits just perfectly, my body fits around hers like she is my missing puzzle piece, “I have a headache.”

  “I’ll bet you do.”

  She nuzzles her nose into my neck. “Why do you always smell so damned good Ryder?”

  “It’s just good genetics.”

  She laughs; the sound is like a soft melody, “Good genetics, I was going for good aftershave.”

  I chuckle and kiss her cheeks.

  “You hungry?”

  “Hmmmm, yes, I am not one of those people who can’t eat after drinking. I am the opposite, I become a total fatty.”

  “Fatty hey?”

  “Yep, you will be rolling me right back up those stairs.”

  I grin and bring her lips down on mine, they are soft, silky and she tastes like mint. I part her lips with my tongue, sliding it into her mouth until she is letting off soft little moans and pressing her chest to mine. Her soft breasts crushing up against me is really not the best way to start the morning; we won’t leave the room if she keeps it up.

  “You better stop now baby, or I will fuck you right here on the balcony.”

  She grins and kisses my neck, “I might enjoy that.”

  “Breakfast first, I can’t let you starve.”

  “I can think of plenty of things I would like in my mouth right now.”

  I slap her thigh and she giggles.

  “Enough of that, eating first,”

  She pouts but doesn’t argue. I lift her off my lap and we make our way downstairs. Nate and Trey are already at breakfast, and I feel Maya stiffen beside me. Well fuck, this isn’t going to be good. Nate looks over at her, and I can see what she won’t let herself see, and that is that Nate’s truly devastated. He knows what he did hurt her, what he said crushed her spirit but he didn’t mean it to sound so bad.

  “Can we get room service?” Maya whispers.

  “Baby, you can’t hide from Nate forever. He lives with me.”

  “Please Ryder; I don’t want to see him.”

  “Maya…”

  “Please…”

  “Alright, ok, if that’s what you want.”

  “It is.”

  I take her hand and lead her back out of the room, I hear Nate slam his glass down. This is going to be a long day.

  “I’m sorry,” Maya whispers on the elevator.

  “No don’t be, but you have to talk to him sometime baby.”

  “He hurt me.”

  “I know, but he loves you and feels bad.”

  “I don’t want to talk with him right now, don’t try and make me.”

  “Wouldn’t dream of it,”

  She glares up at me, “Ryder, what is your problem?”

  I sigh, here goes. “Nothing, but I don’t need to be the meat between the sandwich Maya. Nate is my best friend, you are my girl, how do you suppose I pick?”

  She frowns, “I never asked you to pick.”

  “You are asking me to pick, I can’t hang out with him because it upsets you.”

  “That’s not true, you can…”

  “But you won’t be there, it’s not fair.”

  She sighs, rubbing her head. “Look, I will sort it out with him, just not now. Please give me today?”

  “Alright, you know I will.”

  “You are good to me GI Joe,” she grins, giving me that sexy devil look she does so well.

  “You know I hate when you call me that…”

  “I’m sorry,” she grins, dropping to her knees, “Let me make it up to you.”

  I have her scooped up in my arms and in our hotel room before she can say another word. I push her against the nearest wall, and slide my hands up under her shirt. She whimpers that soft, sweet little sound she always makes when I fuck her. Her head falls back, giving me clear view of her neck. I slide my tongue over her pulse, sucking her skin into my mouth.

  “Ryder, I want you to fuck me hard.”

  And there goes my cock, I groan and shove her harder against the wall. She moans and her fingers fumble with my belt, she slides it off and shoves my jeans down just enough to free me. She wraps her hands around my dick and strokes, I grit my teeth and hiss out a breath. Jesus, she feels so fucking amazing.

  “Going to fuck you now baby, can’t wait.”

  She groans and hooks her legs around my waist, she has already dropped them pretty panties. She opens her plump lips when I slide into her and a little moan escapes. She is so beautiful like this, flushed and panting. She grips my shoulders and puts her lips to mine, dragging me in for a deep, hot kiss.

  “Ryder,” she pants.

  I thrust harder, feeling her tight little pussy clenching around me. She is hot, in every way. Each pump pulls me closer to the edge; I have never fucked a woman that felt so dammed amazing. I feel her clench, and then she cries out as she shudders around me. It is my undoing, I feel myself spill hot and hard inside her, I can hear my own ragged groan.

  “Oh God,” she whispers when I have let her down, “Sex with you is out of this world.”

  “Right back at you, baby.”

  “How do we do it? We should have killed ourselves by now.”

  I grin, “It’s a talent.”

  She laughs, “Ah, one of Ryder’s many talents.”

  “Got it in one, beautiful girl.”

  She beams at me, and I see for the millionth time in the past year, just how right this girl is for me. She is my missing piece, my heart and soul. She is my world.

  CHAPTER 3

  MAYA

  “I can’t believe we are home,” Sandy sighs as we unlock our apartment.

  “I know,” I sigh, “It was good being away.”

  “Now back to reality, speaking of reality, have you
spoken to Nate?”

  “No Sandy.”

  “Are you going to?”

  “When I am ready,”

  “Maya…”

  “Don’t start. Ryder already gave me this lecture.”

  “So he should have, Nate’s your best friend…”

  “And he hurt me.”

  “He hurt your ego.”

  I glower at her, “He hurt ME.”

  “That’s not true. You are hurt because he said he didn’t kiss you for you, that he did it because the idea of being with you and Ryder aroused him.”

  “The idea of being with Ryder aroused him, not me.”

  “What does it matter Maya? It’s not like he has lied. He is gay, what did you expect?”

  Ouch, that kind of hurt.

  “I…”

  “Exactly, you have nothing because you know I am right. He has always wanted Ryder, you know that. He has never said he was bi, or interested in women. He openly admits he only went with Janelle for Ryder, so why did you think he kissed you and it was different? He loves you, that is clear, but he has never been dishonest.”

  I sigh. “Now I feel bad.”

  “So you should, go and talk with him.”

  “I will, ok? I will.”

  “Unpack first.”

  “Whose house is this?” I grin.

  She puts her hands on her hips, “I pay rent girly.”

  “Yeah yeah.”

  I pick up my bag, and drag it to my room to unpack it. I hate unpacking, despise unpacking. Seriously, it’s just cruel. When I am done, I head over to Ryder and Nate’s apartment. I know Ryder is at work right now, he said he was only stopping in for an hour, so I imagine Nate is alone. I walk into the kitchen, and I can’t see anyone so I make my way down the hall.

  I turn into Nate’s open door and freeze. Nate is leaning against the wall, his naked body glistening under the light. I have never seen Nate naked, but holy cow, have I been missing out. His body is hard, firm and bronze. I can’t help my eyes as they travel down to see Trey sliding his mouth over Nate’s cock. The sight has me flushed and confused. I know Nate is gay, but I could have never imagined him in the throws with another man.

  His head is back against the wall, and his chest is heaving as Trey works him. I feel my eyes widen as I watch Trey’s hand slide over his own erection, and he starts stroking. I can’t breathe, I can’t move either. I just stand there, completely dumbfounded and scarily aroused by the sight. My groin clenches, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t get myself to turn away.

  Nate grips Trey’s head, his fingers dig harshly into his skull. Trey works him harder, and Nate groans loudly. His stomach muscles tighten and tense and I watch Trey’s hand work his own length harder and faster. When Nate comes, it is the most erotic moment, his groans fill the air and his body becomes a tangle of hard muscle as he tenses. Trey spurts hot and heavy over his own hand, before pulling back and panting, his lips swollen.

  “Did you like that, Maya?”

  Hearing my name, my head snaps up to see Nate pulling up his jeans and staring at me. I stammer, unable to come up with one word to defend myself. I turn and rush out, my cheeks flaming red. I am so embarrassed, why didn’t I walk away earlier? Why did it arouse me? All these emotions are confusing me, and I can’t handle them. Just as I reach the door, Nate’s hand lashes out and grips me, spinning me around.

  “Let me go Nate, I need to go…”

  “Why were you watching?”

  I look up and meet his gaze, he is alone, Trey must want to stay out of this one.

  “I wasn’t…I mean…”

  “It turned you on, didn’t it?”

  “I don’t…”

  “When are you going to admit it Maya, when are you going to wake up to yourself?”

  I gape, “Excuse me?”

  “Why are you here?” he snaps, Nate never snaps at me.

  “I was coming to say sorry, but clearly that isn’t the right move.”

  “Sorry for what? For treating me like an asshole because I kissed you…”

  “You made me think it was for me!” I cry, feeling my tears well.

  “Why did it matter? You know I’m gay!”

  I stammer again, unable to get any words out to defend myself.

  “Well? What does it matter?”

  “It matters because you don’t want me,” I scream, shocking myself with my own words.

  “Exactly,”

  “Why Nate? Why did you want her?”

  “I didn’t want her!” he roars, “I never fucking wanted her.”

  “Why wouldn’t you do it with me then? Why am I not good enough?”

  “What is going on here?”

  We both turn to see Ryder standing in the doorway.

  “Your girlfriend can’t seem to grasp what the hell is happening here.”

  “What are you on about Nate?” Ryder asks, confused.

  “She just walked in on Trey and I, she couldn’t walk away.”

  I flush, “So what? That has nothing to do with this.”

  “No, you are right, it doesn’t. Why don’t you tell him what is really happening?”

  “I don’t know what you are talking about?” I cry.

  “Fuck, will you two just stop,” Ryder snaps, “What the fucking hell is going on?”

  “She is furious that I don’t want her,” Nate snarls, “And she is yet to figure out it isn’t just jealousy over Janelle.”

  “What is it then?” I cry, tears stumble down my cheeks.

  “It’s because you are in love with me.”

  Ryder and I both fall silent.

  “What?” I whisper, “Of course I love you.”

  “Yes, you think you love me as a friend but it is more than that, you are in love with me.”

  “What?” I croak, “No.”

  “What are you playing at Nate?” Ryder snaps.

  “Back off Ryder, she needs to face this. I shouldn’t have to live with guilt over Janelle for the rest of my fucking life.”

  “So you are making shit up and causing fights?”

  “It isn’t shit, ask her, make her admit it,” Nate yells.

  “Back down Nate, now…”

  “Get fucked Ryder.”

  Suddenly, the two men are going at it. Fists and arms are swinging. I stumble backwards and gape as Ryder drives a fist into Nate’s face, to which Nate retaliates with a fist to Ryder’s stomach. They stumble over the back of the couch, and smash into the coffee table. I scream, and Trey comes rushing out.

  “Stop it!” I cry.

  “You fucking asshole,” Ryder snarls, “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

  “You two live in a fucking fantasy,” Nate spits, blood pours from his lip, “You and I both know what is really going on here. You just don’t want to see it because God forbid your girl might want to put you in that position with me again.”

  “I don’t care about the past Nate; I never had a problem with it.”

  “You do have a problem with it, you can’t stand that your best mate fucking loves you more than he should, you can’t stand it.”

  “I don’t care!” Ryder roars.

  “Yes you fucking do, it has been a problem for years now. Just admit it Ryder, just admit you are shit scared that Maya might love me as much as you, and fuck it all up.”

  “So what if she loves you? I don’t have a problem with that, or you.”

  “Wake up to yourself!”

  “Stop it!” Trey snarls, “Enough.”

  “Fuck off Trey,” Ryder hisses.

  “No, you two aren’t doing this now. Nate, let’s go.”

  I stand watching them, my lips trembling. So many things in that moment become clear. One is that Ryder does truly have an issue with Nate having feelings for him. Two is that Nate is right, what I am angry about isn’t because of jealousy over Janelle. Three is that I am in love with Nate, and that scares the hell out of me. I turn, and I rush out of the room, desperate to get away.


  I rush back to my apartment, and run through the front door and straight into Sandy, who is carrying a bag of washing. She drops the bag and grips my shoulders, forcing me to come to a stop. Tears are thundering down my cheeks, blurring my vision. How did I not realize what was happening in front of me? This confuses everything; this just makes everything seem so much worse.

  “Hey, what is happening?” Sandy says, stroking my tears.

  “I love him,” I whimper.

  “What?”

  “Nate, I love him.”

  “I know that.”

  “No Sandy,” I choke, “I am in love with him.”

  Her face falls, “Like you love Ryder?”

  “Yes, like I love Ryder.”

  “Oh…”

  “How could I be so stupid? What sort of idiot falls in love with a gay man?”

  She leads me over to the couch and sits me down, “Honey, it’s not abnormal. Nate has been a huge part of your life from the start, along with Ryder. It isn’t completely crazy that you might feel something for him too, of course you do.”

  “He is gay!” I cry.

  “So? That doesn’t mean you won’t feel something. Ok, it isn’t the best thing that could happen, but you do honestly think you are the only woman in the world to fall in love with someone they can’t have?”

  “He is gay; it isn’t about what I can’t have.”

  “Isn’t it? It is no different to any other situation where a woman can’t have a man, just because he is gay, doesn’t mean it is different. Look, maybe you are looking at this all wrong. Nate and Ryder have been with you since the beginning, you met them both at the same time. You fell in love with Ryder automatically, because you knew you could have him. You didn’t think about it with Nate, why would you? He is gay and you automatically shut off.”

  “Ryder will be so hurt,” I whisper.

  “Ryder knows.”

  I snap my head up, “What?”

  “He knows, do you think he is that simple?”

  “Why wouldn’t he say anything?”

  “Because he probably didn’t think it mattered, you and Nate will never be more than what you are.”

  “I know that.”

  “It makes sense now, doesn’t it? Why you hurt so much over Nate being with Janelle. It wasn’t about jealousy; it was about the fact that he didn’t want you that way and it hurt.”